More Diary Entries

I found some more diary entries I thought I would share with you :-) Jesus did a change in my heart when I was about 14. I can't really explain it...but it happened and the first entry here I found in my 2001 diary...I was 13. Listen to the anger that I had pent up in my heart...before I let Jesus take care of it :)

November 29, 2001
How sad I am. No one cares how I feel, the world keeps
going whether I am bleeding or not!
My heart is crushed. Why can't anyone care about me?!
I wish I were Hannah, them seem to LOVE Hannah.
What, do I need to be a spoiled brat to get someones love?
E.A.B

Yikes!!! Hannah was and is the sweetest girl I know but when I was only thinking about ME, I was trapped in a circle of condemnation. I was the one pointing the finger, accusing myself before Christ. I didn't want to see the good in others or in myself. I was dying to be loved and I WAS loved but I was blind and couldn't see how I had been blessed. When I opened my heart up to Christ, He not only saved me from myself but He filled me with His love and His love enabled me to love others and to love myself!!

After finding God one night in my room...while reading an Elsie Dinsmore book :-) God began me on a journey...here are a few entries from the diary I kept...right after I fell in love with Jesus all over again...keep that mind...I am on the mountain top.

January 2, 2002
My hope and joy is to be like Christ and to follow in His footprints...I pray everyday that God will through His wisdom, mold me to be like His Son Jesus...Dear Abba Father, I want to lean on You!!
Love, Elizabeth

January 20, 2002
Dearest of all Journals,
Oh, how I long to be like Jesus, pure and clean!

Now that Jesus is in Heaven with God, He every day
looks at His nailed scarred hands and remembers
"I did this so E.A.B. could get to come live with Me and My Father!"
I praise God for His Faithfulness, I praise God for the cross!
E.A.B

January 23, 2002
My sweet Journal, How are you? I hope you are as joyful as I am!
God is His Wonderful grace and love gives me His undying joy, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." Nem 8:17
Yesterday God showed me that I have ( and my wonderful friends)
the gift of acting, well of course not in perfection but we are getting there
with the sweet grace of God!
Dear Father,
Thank You for being my faithful friend and wonderful
Father. How happy and thankful I am that You are mine and most of all that I am your own little daughter...give me your unfailing love and grace to get me through the day!
Love, You Own, Elizabeth B.

(In this entry you can really tell that I was reading the Elsie Dinsmore books *giggles* ....and I was a lot :-)

January 24, 2002
My dear, beloved Journal,
How sweet and perfectly delicious this day has started. I have just learned a very altogether wonderful lesson.
I was a little worried about Papa today, he had left to fill our poor, little car with air but Papa was taking a VERY long time to do so. I would not have been half so frightened had it not been that the roads were indeed very icy.
So I called my sweet siblings to the mercy seat of our dear, never busy Father and prayed on my earthly fathers behalf. Then as the last amen had ended who should come through the door but my dear Papa.
Praise my Heavenly Father!

(Yikes! Well, you may laugh or roll you eyes but think of all my poor family endured, me walking around the house calling days delicious and cars poor *laughs*)

Alright moving on to a different diary :-)

I began this diary March of 2003, I had been sick with a very bad cold for about month and I could not get rid of it...it was keeping me from Church and other such pleasures)

March 7, 2003
Dear Diary,
What a day I have had, well I have had a pretty sick week and I feel like I will have to wait an eternity until I am well.
I know this is a poor way to start a new Diary but it is all true!
Through all my suffering God has been, faithful and merciful but most of all Good. Yes Good all the time, even when I am sick! That is one think I am learning though this week. May God show me more grace to fully run the race.
Your writer and author, Elizabeth B.

March 8, 2003
Presently dear diary, I am watching my little sisters as they play happily
at the park. I am enjoying the good weather that the Lord has so wonderfully given us, no dark clouds are in the sky today, only beautiful weather greets me.
As I have put down I have not been feeling my very best and the fresh air is a great enjoyment.
But right now I feel very good and I am very thankful.
Well I did want to jot down a quick note to tell you that I have deeply thought of you.
Your W & A, Elizabeth

March 12, 2003
Ah, the wonder of such a beautiful sunset; Pink is just above a pale blue, which glimmers above a blazing orange! Making yet another beautiful sunset.
Right now I am sitting on our front porch, letting such a beautiful sunset sink deep within my sou. O, my dear diary, if only as your author I could give you eyes for just a few moments so that you could enjoy with me such a God, made Masterpiece!
A pen can only describe the colors but I wish I could describe the sensation of the colors of the horizon this March evening. Well dear, diary I though I would let you feel with me the wonder of God!
Your W & A, elizabeth

Well, now that is just a drop in the bucket...there are dozen more entries I will share with you later :-) Wasn't I a silly goose? I laugh at it all...maybe you would like me to end with an entry from a more recent diary?
This was two years ago:

November, 2006
Right now I feel very far away from the Lord, like more than just one brick wall has been build but a dozen walls.
When your heart feels far away from the Lord, it also feels lonely and the aching is hard to explain. Like somebody cut off my life supply and I know I'm dying.
(Oh, this is moistening my eyes...I remember feeling this way)
I also feel kind of lost, like there are forests, rivers and mountains around me and I have no idea how to find my way back home. Some of us just aren't as smart as Hansel and Gretal, we don't think to leave crumbs behind.
When folly and Mr. Mistake take us for an adventure we go along like naive puppies, until pretty soon Satan is coaxing us into his oven and that's when the light bulb goes one *Bing* "um, this isn't right," we realize and if we have the wisdom of Gretal we'll fool Satan at his own game. I am rarely as smart
as the two children in this fairy tale and if it weren't for the amazing grace of Jesus I'd have been burned alive... isn't Hell the lake of perpetual fire?!
My foolishness and sin condemned me to death but though every finger in the court room is wagging, every head shaking and even though the Jury has found me guilty, there is one head that is not shaking and one finger that is not pointing...it's the Judge's Son! And the words that the Adulterous woman heard many years ago I now hear too, "I do not condemn you" and before I can say "Amazing Grace" my hand cuffs are unlocked and my prison door opened. I'm free!

A Smile to Everyone,
elizabeth