Dear Diary,
There's a lot on my heart right now. Not because I am learning so very much or because I have been given so very much-though I suppose both are true but mostly my heart just feels heavy. Like it's suddenly taken the form of a paper weight.
Now you know I'm one of God's biggest fans ;) I love Him very much but truth be told sometimes it feels like He's gone. You know like in one of those horror movies when the lady looks at the picture where her husband use to be-right there beside her and he's suddenly vanished. Where is he? He's suppose to be right there!
Well, where is God ? He's suppose to be right here! Where IS HE when I need Him most?!
When I was a little girl I wrote this very question in my diary and underneath I wrote as if God were answering-
Closer than you think.
Right now my dad is out of work-he's been out of work for over a month now. This week Ben is getting ready to leave (with my parents blessing) he's packing his bags and going to OK to try to find work for himself and branch out on his own. Just the thought of his empty bedroom makes me feel sick inside. On top of those things, I'm trying to decide what I'm doing with my life? What should I be doing? What should I stop doing?
What causes us the most worry? When something is completely out of our control. When we wish we could raise our hand and know the answer but instead we sit on our hands and wonder if there even is a right answer. I feel completely and totally human-such a helpless race we are!
Currently my spiritual jeans have giant holes in the knees not from praying hard but from falling hard. There is so much inside of me to work on, so much outside of me to work on. Can you tell I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed?
I know t
he right answers it's just believing that they really are the right answers...that's the hard part. When God said He's not going anywhere, when He promised that our bad days wouldn't scare Him off He meant it! He's here...all around me. I don't feel Him but I believe Him.
Like I previously stated, I love God. Even in these hard times and on my bad days He's pretty irresistible. I am glad I don't have to stand in the rain alone and Who better to stand by then One who has an umbrella. Thank you God for holding my hand-for even wanting to.
There's a lot on my heart right now. Not because I am learning so very much or because I have been given so very much-though I suppose both are true but mostly my heart just feels heavy. Like it's suddenly taken the form of a paper weight.
Now you know I'm one of God's biggest fans ;) I love Him very much but truth be told sometimes it feels like He's gone. You know like in one of those horror movies when the lady looks at the picture where her husband use to be-right there beside her and he's suddenly vanished. Where is he? He's suppose to be right there!
Well, where is God ? He's suppose to be right here! Where IS HE when I need Him most?!
When I was a little girl I wrote this very question in my diary and underneath I wrote as if God were answering-
Closer than you think.
Right now my dad is out of work-he's been out of work for over a month now. This week Ben is getting ready to leave (with my parents blessing) he's packing his bags and going to OK to try to find work for himself and branch out on his own. Just the thought of his empty bedroom makes me feel sick inside. On top of those things, I'm trying to decide what I'm doing with my life? What should I be doing? What should I stop doing?
What causes us the most worry? When something is completely out of our control. When we wish we could raise our hand and know the answer but instead we sit on our hands and wonder if there even is a right answer. I feel completely and totally human-such a helpless race we are!
Currently my spiritual jeans have giant holes in the knees not from praying hard but from falling hard. There is so much inside of me to work on, so much outside of me to work on. Can you tell I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed?
I know t
he right answers it's just believing that they really are the right answers...that's the hard part. When God said He's not going anywhere, when He promised that our bad days wouldn't scare Him off He meant it! He's here...all around me. I don't feel Him but I believe Him. Like I previously stated, I love God. Even in these hard times and on my bad days He's pretty irresistible. I am glad I don't have to stand in the rain alone and Who better to stand by then One who has an umbrella. Thank you God for holding my hand-for even wanting to.
elizabeth
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1 comment:
Elizabeth,
I prayed for you and your family and Ben. Change is hard, especially when you are young. God will help you through this , keep leaning on Him even when you don't feel Him there.
I am sorry you are hurting right now, I can feel it in your words. When we are at our lowest is when God shows himself best.
I have faith in Him and in you.
Much Love
April D.
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